Bartholemeu I was the first king of Picketralia and a healthy man. In fact, his doctors said he would live forever. His son, Bartholomeu II, was fed up with being in-line for the throne for what felt like forever, and when Bartholomeu was strolling the gardens of Sullivan Palace his son took an ax and cleaved his head off. His last words were “What are you doing with the ax?” His body was buried but his head was placed in a display case and turned into a skull. It is still on display, however, there have been numerous attempts to steal it.

Bartholomeu II

Lived: 980-1027

Reign: 1000-1027

Cause of Death: Lead poisoning

When Bartholomeu II fell ill with likely strep throat, it was 1027 and modern medicine was about 1000 years away. They used a combination of lead, water, and berry juice as a medicine, which hardly worked, and only made him worse. His throat felt like it was on fire, and his organs began to bleed. They kept giving him doses until he fell asleep. He then died about 30 minutes later.

Bartholomeu III

Lived: 1010-1081

Reign: 1027-1081

Cause of Death: Heart attack (Cardiac arrest)

Bartholomeu was on his grandfather’s healthy life. He rarely ate meat, believing it was “impure.” However, increasing physical activity wore out his muscles. He embraced the pain, until one day, when he had returned from his running sport, he collapsed as soon as he got in the doors. He was rushed to the palace’s infirmary, where doctors poked around, until they realized he was dead on arrival. He died of a heart attack from exhaustion.

Richard I

Lived: 1033-1082

Reign: 1081-1082

Cause of Death: Colon rupture

Richard had been suffering from colon pains and colon cancer for 4 months already: he had only been king for nine months. After breakfast, he screamed in pain. His colon had exploded. He spent 12 unconscious hours in the infirmary before he died on his birthday. He had served as king for only 9 months, the shortest tenure ever.

Bartholomeu IV

Lived: 1066-1109

Reign: 1082-1109

Cause of Death: Poisoned milk

This cause of death is less dramatic. He drank milk one morning and got food poisoning. The doctors gave him berry juice and chemicals to make him throw up, which didn’t work, and he died 5 days later

Bartholomeu V

Lived: 1085-1169

Reign: 1109-1169

Cause of Death: Mercury poisoning

Yet another case of bad medicine and doctors, this time, instead of lead, it was mercury. The mercury was believed to help Bartholomeu’s unknown ailment, likely just dysentery, but of course, they used a combination of alcohol, berry juice, and mercury for medicine. The mercury only made it worse and Bartholomeu V, a well-loved king was killed by his doctors.

Fun Fact: His tomb was graverobbed by the Gulfemeyar Order. It succeded but they found them not too long after.

Richard II

Lived: 1110-1172

Reign: 1169-1172

Cause of Death: Assasination

Richard II and his wife were riding in an open-top chariot down Haybale Street approaching Pigot School in the Picketralian Independence Day Parade, when a man stabbed his neck with a long sword, paralyzing him. Unlike his wife, his death was long drawn out and he died a few minutes later in the Pigot Infirmary.

Richard III

Lived: 1147-1234

Reign: 1172-1234

Cause of Death: Kidney failure and/or malnutrition

Richard III had rarely used the toilet, ever. After dozens of urinary tract infections, his kidneys began to fail. The usual treatment of the time for kidney failure was fish juice, it was believed the proteins healed the kidneys. This wasn’t true, of course, and after several months of kidney pains, he went into a coma and 5 months later, still in a coma, after being fed more fish juice unconciously, on September 3, 1234, he was pronounced dead by a doctor. Even if he wasn’t dead, they took out his heart, the usual practice after the death of a king, and fed it to the Sacred Vulture.

Ravonh I

Lived: 1181-1250

Reign: 1234-1250

Cause of Death: Unknown severe stomach pains, likely appendix rupture.

At about 3AM on August 13, 1250, the king was heard screaming in pain by a guest, Kidrin Welma, who was sleeping in a room several stories below. He ran upstairs to find the king unconscious, however, his hand was over his stomach. He was brought to the doctors, where they diagnosed a “colon blockage” and began feeding him chemicals that would “clear out his colon.” The king woke up to massive diarrhea, although the pains still continued. At 11:17 PM that night, he drifted into unconsciousness and died several minutes later.

Ravonh II

Lived: 1220-1300

Reign: 1250-1300

Cause of Death: Stomach cancer

In the summer of 1299, the king began experiencing minor stomach pains, so he started eating less. He got better for a little bit, but in October, the pains came back. He started eating cods, in hope it would fix his pains, but it got worse, and worse. By December, he couldn’t get out of bed. On January 15, 1300, he fell asleep, and never woke up again.

Ravonh III

Lived: 1247-1329

Reign: 1300-1329

Cause of Death: Gum disease, malnutrition, and dehydration

The Picketralian diet was full of marshbread, a delicacy with wheat grown in a savannah marsh and dried in the desert. However, sand grains would get into the wheat and into the bread, causing gum disease and teeth issues. Ravonh III was a huge fan of marshbread and ate it daily, with sand that accumulated overtime. Over and over again, his gums got irritated until they got infected. The infection eventually took over his mouth. As such, he couldn’t open his mouth for several days. He died on October 23, 1329, from gum disease, malnutrition, and dehydration.

Dovin I

Lived: 1297-1363

Reign: 1329-1363

Cause of Death: Alcohol poisoning

Dovin was an awful king. He rolled back monumental legislation and focused most taxpayer money on his extravagant parties and alcohol production, weakening all areas of government. At a party he hosted on May 1, 1363, he had way too much alcohol. His hangover lasted for days, until he died of the effects on May 6.

Mason I

Lived: 1310-1400

Reign: 1363-1400

Cause of Death: Bone marrow cancer

Mason I had been suffering since June when he suffered, but survived a heart attack, a miracle for the time. In addition, a minor bout of leprosy and bone marrow cancer lead to being bedridden by September. His doctors had tried purposely breaking the bones to cure the cancer, although he refused any more treatment and said, “I am going. Leave me be, and I will die one day. I have had ninety good years of life, and now it is someone else’s turn.” On November 1, 1400, he celebrated his 90th birthday. This was his last public appearance, and on December 14, 1400, he succumbed to bone marrow cancer.

Bonus: Sitrin Gulfemeyar

Lived: 1299-1363

Cause of Death: Burned to death

Sitrin Gulfemeyar was from Flourtess and was a con artist, he was a pretender to the throne when Dovin ascended to the throne. When he was nearly arrested, he turned to a life of crime. He was a mastermind, and even though distraught from the near arrest, he started a criminal organization called The Gulfemeyar Order that was responsible for many criminal events during the 1300’s and 1400’s. It attracted many members, mainly poor people in Stimpton, including Leopold Welma, who tried to kill the king in 1371. However, during the Fire of Stimpton, The Gulfemeyar Order lost many members, including its ruler, who died in the fire. His body was found in a ditch after the fire and buried in River Cemetery. Controversy ensued. You can’t bury a criminal with honors! Unfortunately for him, there was a law that you couldn’t deny anyone burial in a cemetery, even the prestigious River Cemetery.

Notable events that The Gulfemeyar Order was behind:

The Rouge Attacks, 1331

The Stampede, 1334

The Riverview Graverobbings, 1340

The Attempt to Graverob Bartholomeu V: 1342

The Calyur Graverobbings, 1344

The Return of the Bones, 1346

The Pickpocket Pandemic: 1349

Assasination of Kural Mala, 1353

Assasination of Raynin Lynwhag, 1353

The 9/18 Attacks, 1370

Burning of St. Cyril Cathedral, 1370

Assasination Attempt of King Mason I, 1371

World Leader Assasinations, 1400

The Attempt to Graverob Bartholomeu V:

On a warm September morning, after a string of River Cemetery graverobbings, they hatched a hare brain plan to graverob a king. They chose Bartholomeu V, a king who was buried in a rather shallow grave on the Sullivan Palace grounds. They would take his bones out of the country and hold them for ransom! The Order was short on cash and a ransom for the modem equivalent of $178,000 was decided.

The plan was simple: at 10:23 PM, the guards were to go on their sleeping break, and everyone would be asleep except for one guard: frail Hanny Hainlityn, a weak 24 year old guard who barely had any meat on the bone. He was given the night guard for a reason, nobody called.

The then-king Dovin was asleep in his quarters. His wife was asleep. Everyone in the palace had dozed off into sleep.

The plan was simple: two Gulfemeyar goons would climb up the steep but short hill, dig up the coffin, crack open the ivory and fish bone vault, and access the fragile acacia wood coffin and open it. They would take the ivory vault and wood coffin on a cart down the steep hill, take it out of the country, and hold it for ransom.

It was set to occur on the night of October 2. No moon to illuminate the sky. They drove the cart up the hill and arrived at the graveyard. Sure enough, Hanny Haimlityn was on guard. They quickly knocked him out and threw him into the neighboring river. He promptly died from drowning.

They started to break ground and dig it up. Sure enough, they hit the fragile ivory and after some more digging, they pulled the ivory vault out. They had to act quickly. They loaded it into the cart and drove it down the steep hill. They would be well in no-man's land by dawn.

At 4:00 in the morning, the guards arose from their sleeping break. They found disturbed dirt around the Bartholomeu V and when one looked down the hill on the north side, they found dead Hanny Hainlityn floating in the river. They put two and two together and realized someone had snatched Bartholomeu’s bones.

Meanwhile, the corpse of Hanny Hainlityn was given a proper funeral and buried in Hayes Cemetery across the street from the hill and palace, with an elaborate marker.

Meanwhile, the body snatchers were well into the woods. They had stayed at a lodge and drunkenly bragged about their achievement. They brought the wood coffin into the lodge and opened it, showing the keeper the bones. He despised criminals but appeared enthusiastic to the criminals.

Upon reaction to the news, King Dovin had ordered a search party to search in the vicinity in where they could have traveled. It didn’t take them long to arrive at the lodge. The keeper said that “drunk callers came by in the night about 2 after midnight and showed me bones.” The keeper was given a reward for giving them information and continued their search. They caught up with them in a nearby thicket, where, starving, they were boiling the bones into bone broth.

They were killed on sight and the bodies were taken back as a prize. The bones were placed, not in anatomical order, back in the wood coffin and put on one of the caravan’s carts. The ivory vault was missing, it was later found out the snatchers had sold it to a Morian stranger.

They returned to Picketralia the following morning with the bones of Bartholomeu V, his coffin, and the bodies of the two goons. The two goons’ bodies were dismembered, burned at the stake, then cremated, and the ashes deposited into the Stimpton River, acting as regular sediment.

The bones of Bartholomeu V were reinterred in new coffins. Unfortunately, several bones were lost unknowingly by the goons, likely discarded after being boiled into broth.

Jay Torrrrrrrrrrintialinwynkaynwhenllenyanemifintok, the keeper of the lodge, was rewarded with a hefty sum of money and died in 1369. He often told stories, and wrote 3 books on the subject, with illustrations such as the famed “Torinkayne Engraving” showing him in his lodge looking at the bones and holding his skull. His last name was too long to print on books, so it was typically shortened to Torinkayne-Fintok. He is buried in the vault at Calyur Chapel. He is listed as “J. Torinkayne”

Picketralia

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